PRAIRIE VILLAGE, KS — Declaring themselves “the bravest patriots since Lexington and Concord,” a slate of six Prairie Village City Council candidates announced Tuesday they would boycott the Johnson County Post’s candidate forum and instead host their own debate through PV United, a group many describe as “MAGA cosplay with a Nextdoor account.”
The move, candidates said, was necessary to protect themselves from “unbiased questions, accountability, and reality in general.”
“We will not sit through a forum where woke agendas are allowed to run wild,” thundered Edward Boersma, a candidate who recently introduced himself at a neighborhood block party by shouting “Down with composting bins!” “The current mayor wants to brainwash our children with diversity training, gender-neutral stop signs, composting mandates, and other communist plots. Composting is literally socialism in a bucket. Well not on my watch.”
Guiding the PV United slate is Councilmember Lori Sharp, who many say orchestrates their positions like a political ventriloquist.
“Our candidates don’t need to worry about messy things like ideas,” Sharp explained. “I hand them all pre-approved talking points in the morning, usually copied directly from Dave Tolbert and Pete Mundo monologues. It saves time, ensures ideological purity, and means no one ever slips up and says something reasonable.”
Sharp also defended her group’s refusal to support a proposed update to the crumbling city hall.
“Why would we waste taxpayer money on buildings when closets work just fine for city employees?” she asked while piloting her private jet. “You think the founding fathers had ergonomic chairs and HVAC systems? No—they had grit. Frankly, forcing employees to work in a damp supply closet builds character.”
Another PVU candidate added, “The city hall falling down is actually a good thing for the climate. Every brick that drops is one less brick contributing to Prairie Village’s carbon footprint. We call that green demolition.”
Outside City Hall, local internet trolls have cheered the splinter forum like it’s the Super Bowl of grievance. Kansas Tim, known primarily for commenting “EUNUCHS!!” on social media, applauded the move.
“Finally, a debate where the real issues will be addressed,” Tim shouted into a microphone no one had given him. “And by real issues, I mean the fact that every current council member is a eunuch. Eunuchs! You can’t spell zoning without eunuch—well, you can, but still!”
Not to be outdone, Jori Nelson, a neighborhood troll whose hatred for Mayor Erik Mikkelson has reached Olympic levels, also weighed in.
“Every morning I wake up and scream his name into a mirror until the glass cracks,” Nelson confessed. “I have a dartboard with his face, three piñatas shaped like him, and a custom ringtone that just says ‘Mikkelson sucks’ on loop. This isn’t just politics—it’s destiny.”
Organizers of the PV United forum confirmed the event will feature a format designed to “maximize outrage and minimize coherent answers.” Attendees will submit pre-approved softball questions such as “On a scale of 1 to America, how much do you love freedom?” and “Should Prairie Village be renamed Trump Village?”
Local residents expressed mixed feelings. “It’s weird,” said longtime voter Cheryl Andrews. “These folks claim they hate the mayor, but they also can’t stop talking about him. It’s like high school crush energy, but instead of passing notes, they’re filing angry Facebook posts.”
At press time, PV United confirmed the debate will be held in an undisclosed private home, catered exclusively with Chick-fil-A nuggets, and will end with a ceremonial burning of the city’s comprehensive plan and a destruction of a Mikkelson piñata.
Prairie Village Citizen 